As the light slowly filled the room

I woke up this morning to two pairs of tiny feet squeaking the floor boards into my room.

My babies were up and wanted me to be, too.

Nevermind I’d stayed up too late last night, unable to stop my mind from racing about the fact I’d parted ways with my employer after all, about the fact I was scared about (yet looking forward to) what comes next. Even at 2 a.m., when I forced myself into bed, I couldn’t turn off my head (or my heart).

I eventually slept and when my babies woke me just after 7, my eyes struggled to stay open.

Rye, my older-than-his-years little man, walked straight to me and kissed me on the lips. “I love you, Mommy,” he said. I pulled him in and squeezed. He tucked himself under the covers.

Paige stood staring at me, ragged blankie clutched in her arms, and I pulled her up, too.

There, I lay with my babies, drifting in and out of very light sleep, as the sun slowly rose, as the light slowly filled the room.

I looked over at them from time to time, all innocent and peaceful, all everything right and good in the world.

And I pushed my fear aside, got up and made them Eggos.

Just like I do every morning.

Later, we danced to a record the kids put on themselves. I listened to them laugh, as they played with their toys. My boyfriend joined us at The Rose and we watched Rye perform on his last day of “How to Be a Pirate.”

Both my parents called. So did a girlfriend. Kyle helped my babies make a fort in the backyard. He really is awesome.

My mind is still racing. That fear is still there. But like I’ve been telling all of you for months now – be brave.

Right, world?

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10 thoughts on “As the light slowly filled the room

  1. I guess I just wanted to sat keep getting up each day and things will improve. I am on the other side losing my job and change is hard to embrace but hold fast to the ones you love and you will never be without.

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  2. Everything will look brighter soon. Be strong. Be brave like I know you are. I believe this may be a blessing in disguise. You have many who love you and want only the best for you!

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  3. I want to say that you gave me strengh while we were in Italy dealing with what we were dealing with. I read your post almost every day and even though i am not a mom i related to so much of what you wrote in your blog. I will continue to follow. Have faith it’s working for me.:)

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    1. Brad Price, thank YOU. You are an amazing, inspirational family. I feel honored to have you reading my work. Hope you’ll stop in every now and then. Leave a comment – I’d love to know you’re reading.

      (New baby, yes?! Congrats!).

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  4. I am thankful for your willingness to share your journey, Veronica…even these lowdown, dirty parts. Hoping and praying that there is light for you in the muck…you are an incredible woman, mother, & writer.

    You’ve no doubt heard this poem, but I thought it fit again. I join so many in standing alongside you and KNOWING that the best is yet to come.

    When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
    When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
    When the funds are low and the debts are high,
    And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
    When care is pressing you down a bit,
    Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.

    Life is queer with its twists and turns,
    As every one of us sometimes learns,
    And many a failure turns about,
    When he might have won had he stuck it out;
    Don’t give up though the pace seems slow–
    You may succeed with another blow.

    Often the goal is nearer than,
    It seems to a faint and faltering man,
    Often the struggler has given up,
    When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
    And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
    How close he was to the golden crown.

    Success is failure turned inside out–
    The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
    And you never can tell how close you are,
    It may be near when it seems so far,
    So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit–
    It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

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    1. Gina, at the end of every cross country season in high school, my teammates and I would all make gifts for each other. My junior year, a senior named Mandy Stibor printed this poem and gave it to all of us. She’d glued it to a piece or two of black and gold construction paper. And I hung it on my bedroom door. It stayed there until I graduated COLLEGE. Thank you for reminding me of the words and the message.

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  5. It’s a new day. It’s a new opportunity. It’s a wonderful chance for change. Change is hard. But once you get through the emotions of it, you see it will have opened opportunities you never knew were available to you.

    Trust me-I know. I have gotten fired out of the blue, had unemployment, and no clue how to get through everything alone. But, in the end, it opened up some other opportunities for me to change things about myself that I wouldn’t have otherwise discovered. It helped me change my career, it helped me change my personal life and how I lived life.

    Change is hard and good. Start your day anew with the strength that you are a great person no matter where your paycheck comes from. Lean on the strength from your friends and family and higher power. Every day is new and every day will change for the better.

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    1. Emily, what an amazing comment. Thank you so much for leaving it here, for me. I liked you right away when we met at the momaha/Behaven event. I’m sorry we haven’t gotten to see each other again since then. I always appreciated your support on momaha and I hope you’ll pop in every now and then to say hi here, too.

      I am sad about no longer being part of something I loved. I am sad about how this is playing out online, in some ways (don’t get me wrong, the support has AMAZING, like nothing I ever would have expected. But there is much about it that feels weird and icky and just … sad, too). I am sad about the friendships I will undoubtedly lose (maybe have already lost. Amazing how quickly things come and go in this life). But I’m not sad about no longer working for my former employer. I don’t respect much about that place. And that’s sad, too.

      Anyway, YES. I’m looking forward to what new opportunities come my way. Thanks again for your support.

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