You’ll have to forgive me for this

It’s funny how quickly doors close, how fast friends fade, how people you thought you knew … you really don’t.

What a crazy ride this life is.

I told my boyfriend last night I’m having trouble connecting all the dots. Like, I have ideas, but I can only get my mind to wrap around the first part of the idea. I can’t get it to take me to what would come next if the first part worked.

It feels a bit like I’m shooting in the dark, stabbing at zombies with a plastic fork clutched in my right hand. Hoping I gauge an eyeball. Or something.

See? See what’s happening to me here in unemployment land?

I’m going slightly crazy.

The newsroom today sent a “messenger” (a nice word we use for the college kids we pay to run errands, fill mail slots, answer the phone and otherwise check Facebook all day) to my house. Poor kid. You could tell he was trying not to crap his pants.

I was nice to him. I even offered: “So this isn’t awkward at all for you, I bet, huh?” Then I helped him carry my stuff to his car.

He told me my house was nice. I bit my tongue (I do have a filter after all) from saying, “Know anyone who’d like to buy it?” Instead, I just said, “Thanks.”

The HR director had called to tell me they needed the momaha banner back because there was an event on Saturday.

Oh? You mean the one I organized?

Apparently, today is my day to be bitter.

I know I need to stop paying attention to all the chatter going on. BUT IT IS SO HARD.

Everyone is right: No matter what anyone thinks or says or does, 1. I’m still looking for a new job and 2. that website I helped create will still go on. I’m thrilled so many women are rallying behind it now in a way I haven’t seen in a while.

And, yes, there are two sides to every story. I’ve told you mine, and I told you it as honest as it comes.

But whatever. It is what it is, as an old college friend used to say.

I know many of you are drawn to me for my positive outlook, my courage, my strength. I like that about me, too. But today … I just needed to write this. I hope you’ll forgive me.

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34 thoughts on “You’ll have to forgive me for this

  1. You are entitled to feel what you want to feel when you need to feel it. We simply wouldn’t be human if we didn’t have bad or frustrating days. Hang in there, this too shall pass.

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    • Thank you, Brea. I know it will. Just continuing on with my honest-about-everything nature, I guess. Has to include some of the not so sunny times!

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  2. I’ve loved momaha since I stumbled upon it and I love the bloggers, but I cannot support a company that would treat their employees in the manner you were treated. I will no longer be an active momaha participant. You have every right and reason to feel the way you do. A thought I’ve always appreciated is that the same water that boils an egg hard will boil a potato soft. Some days I’m an egg and some days I’m a potato!!! Hang in there Veronica! The clouds will lift and the sun will indeed shine!!!!

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      • Yes, Kitty, It’s not that I’m “hating” on the bloggers, but it’s the company and their lack of loyalty. I can not stomach a Corporate America that doesn’t support their employees. I am now a huge fan of Pepperjax after reading that they kept a cancer stricken employee on their payroll and full benefits even though he is unable to work and they have promised him his job when he is able! That’s a Corporate America I will support!

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  3. Losing a job is like loosing someone you love. You are grieving. I lost a job in the past, and I went through all the stages of grief (Denial, Anger, etc) You are supposed to feel this way, and you got a raw deal. You deserve so much better. Hang in there.

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  4. WOW! I have been a faithful reader of Momaha.com for about a year now. I didn’t know about any of this until today, when at the very bottom of the mom daily post there was a little blurb about an acting editor until a replacement is found or something. I immediately resonded to that post asking what happened to you! Anyways, after a little digging, I found this site. Unfortunately, I will no longer be reading momaha.com. I will not support such unjust things. I will come here instead, since I enjoy the personal nature of your posts (shows what the boss knows, huh!). Hopefully the momaha gang will follow and this will be a nice website for the same people to gather, without fear of persecution. Hang in there!

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    • Rachel, thank you! If you’re on Facebook, send me a friend request there and/or like my single mom with love page (link to do that on the homepage of this site). I really, truly appreciate your support.

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  5. You do deserve better..now you know what you have to do? Shove his success in his face. Move on for your kids hold your chin up and find something better! There is bound to be something better for you out there..perhaps this was a blessing in disguise..perhaps they werent letting you get to your full potential and now with that all behind you will move on up and blossom! Smile lady! you have come so far already…and have done so well. You will cont. to do well as long as you believe in yourself. If you are getting down in the dumps…roll on the floor with the kids and play! That always brings my spirits up when things are tough.

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  6. First, you lost the Momaha poster, remember? Second, have you applied for unemployment? I don’t know anything about it, but you should qualify I believe. Third, you are in the angry part of grief. You lost something that was close to your heart, so you are grieving as anyone in your situation would. I would be stuck in the mad place for a while, but what good will it do. It is better to “Go out and show them!”
    I did not like the Momaha post saying, “Well, many still like us on Facebook.” Really? That is what they are gong by? If so, remind me to unlike them! I don’t understand how their unnecessary drama is helping. Why can’t they just be nice?!
    As for you, you are stronger than they are, “bigger” than they are. You know, don’t let this bother you as that will make your old boss (is it okay to call him old instead of previous? 🙂 ) happy. Seriously, he does not deserve the satisfaction!

    🙂 We all have bad days. 🙂 Tomorrow will be better…so much better.

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    • Yep. Just around the bend, there is a life like I could never imagine. I believe that. This, too, shall pass, and I hope it does quickly.

      Thanks for being here, Krista.

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    • Hahahah Krista I have been overly vocal about my “anger” phase regarding all the crap that has been thrown onto Veronica’s shoulders. I have had to place a personal ban on myself looking at or writing on anything affiliated with that website.

      Every time I take the bait and allow my emotions to get the best of me, I immediately imagine those editors sitting there with dollar signs in their eyes and Grinch smiles starting to curl up in the corners of their mouths….what a pack of poop heads

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  7. Unemployment is a true challenge of a lifetime. I will never forget the day my husband was fired/laid off. I was on the floor folding socks and it felt like someone just punched me. I felt so much anger because I felt I had to defend my husband’s honor. I cried. Wait sobbed! Folding socks and underwear.

    It was the most difficult time in our lives. Did it make us stronger? Perhaps. But I think we learned about reality. Life doesn’t always go as we planned. I guess it is our job to see what we can make of it. Best wishes.

    One thing for sure is motherhood is a very unified lifestyle that is easy to relate across groups.

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    • Well said Nicole. The week before I was due to give birth to my 3rd child my husband was laid off, I can completely relate.

      I wish reality was all cotton candy and pool parties like I envisioned when I was a kid 🙂

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      • You really can’t relate to the unemployment thing until you have lived it. My husband and I have been there 4 times! One time he was fired when I was about 2 months pregnant with my twins. I was the sole support (during a high risk pregnancy) for the two of us. My husband did not find a job until our boys were 6 months old. Paying for formula, diapers, and just keeping a roof over our head was a struggle. I was racked with worry, but my husband said he would do anything he had to do to keep us going.That was all bad, but fuel to the fire was that his boss was also one of his long time friends who did it to save his own @$$. I never really got over the actions of his friend.

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  8. Veronica, I was so sorry to hear what happened to you! You were the rock, the solid foundation of Momaha and without you, I know they are left broken and crumbling. I had the pleasure of meeting you and your children at The Omaha Children’s Museum and you were so very nice to take the time to chat with me! This trully is their loss and NOT yours. You are so very strong! I like to think that God doesn’t close one door, with out opening another. Hang in there, it will get better! Until then lots of prayers (and hugs!) are being sent your way!

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  9. Sometimes, you have to have a bad day. I’m glad you shared and didn’t keep it all locked up. 😦 Doesn’t make it better, but maybe you feel a tiny bit better.

    Oh, and I’d have for sure spit on that banner before I handed it over. 😉

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  10. I’m not even sure how I stumbled across your blog but I am really glad I did. I’m a stranger who is really sorry to read of your recent unemployment. Hope it helps to know you’ve gained a new reader and the respect of another Omaha single mom. Hang in there.

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  11. Best analogy ever….stabbing at zombies with a plastic fork in the dark.

    This is one of those situations that is too messed up to just fade silently into the dark. Would it be easier to just placate everyone and act like it’s “no big deal” and everything was just sunshine and rainbows from here on out?

    You don’t and shouldn’t need to defend yourself against the evil empire’s league of lies.

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  12. I was “laid off” from a job I loved & a company I loved when I was 6.5 months pregnant with my first son. If anyone knows the hurt, the anger, the confusion, the resentment you’re going through, it’s this girl right here. I can’t help but get pissed every time I think about it. And that was 2.5 years ago. Your anger will fade but it will hang on for a long time. I’m happy about where I am now but that doesn’t make what they did to me any less awful. I think what OWH did to you is awful & I will not support anything they do.

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    • Tanya, thank you. And I’m so sorry you had to go through something similar. Things like this are scary, but we do come out on the other side. I believe that. And you did, right?

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  13. No need to ask for forgiveness for writing from the heart, Veronica, especially when you write so well. In the words of Ray Davies, I know tomorrow you’ll find better things.

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  14. Hey Veronica…just letting you know I’m here reading your stuff, and I love it! You’re too talented a writer and too good of a person to let a man on a power trip bring you down. Keep the faith, focus on the positives, and love your babies. I just know something good is around the corner!

    Jami (JB79)

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  15. You are allowed to be angry and grieve for a job you loved! Don’t apologize. The OWH treated you badly! Now you will find out who your true friends are,and who were just friends for what you could do for them. Hard life lessons! A saying in my profession is, what doesn’t kill
    You makes you stronger! Wish I had extra money to give you! Let me know how I can help. Remember, the sun’ll come out tomorrow!

    makes you stronger! Please let me know what I can do to help. I wish

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  16. Love, love, love the support I see and feel in these comments ladies!

    V – I am with you 100%. You have every right to feel the way you do. Let it flow…

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