It’s funny how quickly doors close, how fast friends fade, how people you thought you knew … you really don’t.
I told my boyfriend last night I’m having trouble connecting all the dots. Like, I have ideas, but I can only get my mind to wrap around the first part of the idea. I can’t get it to take me to what would come next if the first part worked.
It feels a bit like I’m shooting in the dark, stabbing at zombies with a plastic fork clutched in my right hand. Hoping I gauge an eyeball. Or something.
See? See what’s happening to me here in unemployment land?
I’m going slightly crazy.
The newsroom today sent a “messenger” (a nice word we use for the college kids we pay to run errands, fill mail slots, answer the phone and otherwise check Facebook all day) to my house. Poor kid. You could tell he was trying not to crap his pants.
I was nice to him. I even offered: “So this isn’t awkward at all for you, I bet, huh?” Then I helped him carry my stuff to his car.
He told me my house was nice. I bit my tongue (I do have a filter after all) from saying, “Know anyone who’d like to buy it?” Instead, I just said, “Thanks.”
The HR director had called to tell me they needed the momaha banner back because there was an event on Saturday.
Oh? You mean the one I organized?
Apparently, today is my day to be bitter.
I know I need to stop paying attention to all the chatter going on. BUT IT IS SO HARD.
Everyone is right: No matter what anyone thinks or says or does, 1. I’m still looking for a new job and 2. that website I helped create will still go on. I’m thrilled so many women are rallying behind it now in a way I haven’t seen in a while.
And, yes, there are two sides to every story. I’ve told you mine, and I told you it as honest as it comes.
But whatever. It is what it is, as an old college friend used to say.
I know many of you are drawn to me for my positive outlook, my courage, my strength. I like that about me, too. But today … I just needed to write this. I hope you’ll forgive me.