My back is burning and I’m eating graham crackers, the snack that always makes me feel like a kid.
The rockstar is asleep on the couch, fighting a cold or a fever or allergies or exhaustion or some combination of all of the above.
The little boy is playing Legos and the little girl is out and about.
I’m sitting here, by the fire, cat purring by my leg, trying to think of something to say.
Wondering if I want to have anything to say.
I do, of course, have things to say and like it that way. But what I’ve been trying to figure out for the past few weeks is whether I want to continue to share everything. Here or on Facebook or in any other virtual space.
I’ve been feeling like maybe not being quite so … open. Maybe not being quite so quick to write about the bad stuff that happens to good people, or the good stuff that happens to good people.
Or any of it.
I’ve been realizing maybe it’s not anyone else’s business.
But I don’t want to give this up (though I’ve considered it). I have such appreciation for those of you who support me and my family and my choices and check in every now and then at this little blog.
I love writing, the power of words and stories and the difference sharing our lives can make.
It’s incredible. Really.
I don’t want to lose the connection I have with so many of you.
But I don’t want to feel judged. I don’t want to be judged. I just wanted to do this little thing and live and laugh and learn and grow and let this just be what it was: a blog.
So the past couple weeks I’ve been up in my head, exploring my heart. Just trying to figure this all out.
(Yes, I know, universe, that will be a constant in this life.)
I’m writing now, my back to the fire, the cat purring, the rest of the house quiet. I’m giving it a go. I’m seeing where this post takes me.
I’m thinking once we move out of here, if I’m fortunate enough to get a job some place nice, I’ll keep our new locale to myself. I’ll set about making a home for my family, making sure my husband is happy, my kids are healthy, that my home feels like home.
The thought alone makes me smile.
There, we’ll finally start the next chapter, with love.