Finally somehow

You’ve been quiet, my friend said.

Mmm-hmm. I have. Though I wasn’t sure anyone else had noticed.

I’ve noticed.

And I’m not necessarily happy about this quiet, about this period of internal reflection, about this patience that I’ve somehow cultivated, about this waiting for whatever comes next.

We’ve moved west, as you know. To a desert that is as beautiful as any landscape I’ve ever seen. I’ve had the most amazing moments with my husband, exploring this new home. Together, we’ve discovered ancient “rock art,” petroglyphs and pictographs from as long ago as 2,000 B.C., from as recent as 600 A.D. They are old and they are amazing. Spiritual in their mere existence. The best ones are found only by climbing, by setting one foot in front of the other and scaling the steep Navajo slickrock, by ignoring the burning in my calves, by following my love.

By opening our eyes and seeing it all, not searching, just finding.

In so many beautiful ways, we are happy. We are together and safe and loved and thriving. We live out in the desert’s country, the Utah sticks. The other night, out on the porch, my husband swears he saw a baby llama run across our yard. He was so intrigued he followed it around back – but it was gone.

I’m holding out hope it was a unicorn.

The baby chipmunks come in fives, most days, to eat the mulberries that have fallen from our tree out front. The rabbits play chicken, leaping high in the air as the other one runs at them.

A friend last week brought her two dogs over for dinner. They are nice. I actually like them. One is named Olive.

Music is being made. Our cat gets to go outdoors. And the way the sun shines on the golden red rock in the evening is like a desert rainbow. It’s unbelievably beautiful.

But I’ve been quiet, at least here. Because beyond the beauty and the love and the amazing new family we’ve built, it’s just easier.

You know I can’t write without being honest. You know I can’t work without being passionate. You know sometimes I say too much. And this time, I’m really trying to do everything “right,” whatever that even is.

But know also: We are OK, like the rockstar has always said. More than OK in so many beautiful ways.

And we are poised to – finally – somehow figure all the pieces out.

More soon…

In the meantime, check out Kathleen Edwards. Amazing lyrics, beautiful song.

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