Giving it all a go

My back is burning and I’m eating graham crackers, the snack that always makes me feel like a kid.

The rockstar is asleep on the couch, fighting a cold or a fever or allergies or exhaustion or some combination of all of the above.

The little boy is playing Legos and the little girl is out and about.

I’m sitting here, by the fire, cat purring by my leg, trying to think of something to say.

Wondering if I want to have anything to say.

I do, of course, have things to say and like it that way. But what I’ve been trying to figure out for the past few weeks is whether I want to continue to share everything. Here or on Facebook or in any other virtual space.

I’ve been feeling like maybe not being quite so … open. Maybe not being quite so quick to write about the bad stuff that happens to good people, or the good stuff that happens to good people.

Or any of it.

I’ve been realizing maybe it’s not anyone else’s business.

But I don’t want to give this up (though I’ve considered it). I have such appreciation for those of you who support me and my family and my choices and check in every now and then at this little blog.

I love writing, the power of words and stories and the difference sharing our lives can make.

It’s incredible. Really.

I don’t want to lose the connection I have with so many of you.

But I don’t want to feel judged. I don’t want to be judged. I just wanted to do this little thing and live and laugh and learn and grow and let this just be what it was: a blog.

So the past couple weeks I’ve been up in my head, exploring my heart. Just trying to figure this all out.

(Yes, I know, universe, that will be a constant in this life.)

I’m writing now, my back to the fire, the cat purring, the rest of the house quiet. I’m giving it a go. I’m seeing where this post takes me.

I’m thinking once we move out of here, if I’m fortunate enough to get a job some place nice, I’ll keep our new locale to myself. I’ll set about making a home for my family, making sure my husband is happy, my kids are healthy, that my home feels like home.

Our home.

The thought alone makes me smile.

There, we’ll finally start the next chapter, with love.

5 thoughts on “Giving it all a go

  1. Hey! I understand. Sometimes you need time for your heart. And just let it have its time. I will see if I can post something you can write about. :) I think know exactly what will inspire your heart!

  2. I first want to say I love your writing, and what makes it so wonderful is your openness, and honesty. Unfortunately, those exact things make us vulnerable to the attacks and judgement of others. One thing I try to remember is that no matter what I do, there are always going to be those that wish to fling their negativity and miserable attitudes my direction, so I just have to do what is best for me and mine. Do what is best for you and your family and you’ll know what that is, because when you find it you’ll be at peace. Best wishes Veronica, to you and yours. Be brave!

  3. Gosh, welcome to my life the past six months. I’m pretty sure a really smart person had advice for me that was something like – do what you need to do, do what is right in your heart and focus on yourself.
    It’s really tough when you are an open and honest person and your life isn’t all lollipops and sunshine. We write about what’s true and what’s in our heart, but it seems negative and draining. And, it’s those times when the tiniest criticism really hurts and being vulnerable doesn’t seem so unifying.
    This I know for sure, you are a brilliant writer. One of the best I have read in a really long time (I was just talking to a friend about this the other day who agreed – everyone agrees). I hate to see you not use an insane gift that you have or to share it with the world. Do it on your terms though, whatever those may be. Even if it’s just text messages to me. :) Love you, friend.

  4. I think there is something to be said for keeping things private. Some people have a stronger need for it than others…mine is fairly strong. It’s your blog, so it’s up to you what you want share. Only put out there what you want others to know. You have a need to write, so to me it is natural that you would continue, but maybe you will just change the direction of your blog…it should evolve as you evolve. People are going to judge you…so what…aren’t you a person “in progress”? If you don’t want to write about you and your people, then write about others…your observations, their experiences, what makes them tick. Find a way to express yourself that doesn’t make you feel vulnerable…I see you being very good at that…a people watcher!

  5. The people that know you and love you are always going to no matter what. I completely understand retreating to a more zen place without judgements, advice, people checking on you, anything… just free to live. You are very talented, and you have a knack for bringing people together. I think everyone that has commented has given some pretty sound thoughts that I am struggling to elaborate on any further.

    I’m just happy to know you, and I am certain that sunshine, beauty, and wonderment are always going to surround you <3

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